We've often had the conversation here at ParentDish about how many children is enough. The answer? Well, it depends on the family. Desire, money, space, time and energy requirements all make their case in the debate, and it ultimately comes down to how much kid a parent can handle. Several people have said to me, for example, how they really wanted three children until they had two. Some, like me, who came from a small family--I was an only child--want as big a family as possible. Others think one is the magical number.
For Brad Pitt, apparently that magic number hovers somewhere near what it would take to have your own baseball team. The actor, heartthrob and life partner (or whatever you want to call him) of Angelina Jolie, who already has six children, recently admitted he'd like two more. To take matters further, he is quoted (probably WAY out of context) as saying they'll arrive within the next year. That statement, true or not (probably the latter) will do two things:
1. It will give the media, tabloids and gossip hounds even more ammunition that the twins were conceived using fertility treatments, which has been denied by the pretty pair and that they'll use such methods again to get two more children in such a short span of time (unless they adopt, and you know how long that can take, even for a celebrity: just ask Madonna); and
2. It will, indeed, give them almost enough kids for a baseball team. I mean, if Ange and Brad joined in the fun then there'd be ten of them, so you know, you could have reserves and pinch hitters and whatnot.
Safety in numbers, right? And, really, once you have six kids, what's two more? I mean, other than the baseball team thing. Good luck to the happy couple, if indeed what Brad says is true in any way, shape or form whatsoever.
Do you read parenting books? For real, as in from cover to cover? Did you get anything at all out of the book? Was it overall a great buy with an excellent philosophy, or was there at least one nugget of sage advice that has helped you shape your parenting style? If the answer to that last question was yes, then perhaps parenting books are good for you. For others, not so much.
I remember when I first started writing for ParentDish--way back in the Blogging Baby days. I was pregnant and trying to figure out if I had what it took to be a parent. I bought oodles of parenting books and tried to plow through them as best as I could. I found lots of conflicting information, some of it outdated. I had lots of conversations with other parents and got more of the same. I even asked them what parenting books they recommended. Some loved certain books, some hated said books. One such book was "What to Expect when You're Expecting." I wrote a post about that and got innumerable comments of both praise and abhorring. So it is with any sort of parenting advice.
Once you become a parent, generally all the things you were so scared of dissipate. You become more confident in your decision making and parenting abilities. Most of the time, you actually become a better wife, daughter, friend, sister, etc. in the process. Did the parenting books help? Maybe, maybe not. Being a parent did. The things we all fear--that we'll be bad parents, that we'll hurt our children, that they'll be taken from us through our own negligence--seem to go away the more we actually practice parenting. And that means whatever parenting style comes most naturally to us or works out best for us. And it is different for every person. I don't think it really matters how much attention you paid to WTEWYE--you're probably doing OK in the mommy or daddy department. Parenting books, if you actually have time to read them (see: before children) might offer some insight, but only you will be able to determine the right approach to raising your kids.
Back in the day when the only birthing training available was Lamaze, my husband and I dutifully attended classes to prepare for our first child. It was never openly admitted in class, but I had ascertained from TV and movies that giving birth hurts very, very, very much and the silly-sounding breathing exercises (Hee! Hee! Hee! HAW!) were the best diversionary tactics available to distract one from the pain in her nether regions.
Then I had to have a C-section and all that training went to waste.
A recent study in Sydney, Australia queried mothers on their views on complications ranging as minor as prolonged birth and superficial tears to as major as anal and urinary incontinence, vaginal prolapse and severe tearing and compared these opinions with those of doctors and midwives. The results were that first time birthers were much more willing to take risks in order to have a natural birth than were the doctors or midwives.
One out of every 4 UK pregnancies results in a C-section due to potential complications like the baby lying in the wrong position for natural birth.
According to Philip Steer, editor of the journal where the study was published, the clinical responses may, "indicate that doctors are biased by their inevitable involvement in complex cases, or labors where things have gone wrong."
I think another word for that is "experience." Sure, women have given birth unassisted thousands of years on their own, but it's important to remember that many of them (and their babies) died in the process. Stuff can go wrong, doctors realize what that stuff is, and try to keep it from happening to their patients. I personally didn't have a problem with that when my birthing situation went awry, because at the end of the proceedings, I was alive and so was my baby.
In an era of malpractice lawsuits, it's understandable why a doctor may go ahead and suggest a C-section rather than take risks. As a society, we've essentially backed the medical field into this corner and the result is C-sections that may not all be necessary and even though the mom may be willing to give it the old college try.
I love being pregnant, and I love having kids. I love breastfeeding. But I hate, and hate is really not a strong word compared to how I actually feel, nursing bras. They're all terrible. First of all, they're gigantic. Breasts become fuller with milk, of course, so they get bigger...and bigger, and bigger and bigger until they feel like they're going to burst. Hence, once needs a giant bra for the giant breasts. I can get behind that--it's rational and makes sense.
What I don't understand is why they have to be so hideously ugly and not actually provide the support required to tote around said enormous breasts. And while I may be funny, I'm also being dead serious. I have three or four (I think I banished one it was so awful) nursing bras from various manufacturers that were clearly designed with someone who either has never had breasts swollen with milk or who never wanted to look even remotely attractive without her shirt on. Those with underwires are uncomfortable. Those without lack any real support.
There's also the issue of the bras never quite managing to hold onto the breastpads placed in them to keep them from getting covered with milk leakage. I have had, however, quite a bit of success with Lily Pads, which are technically designed to be worn under things with which one can wear no bra or at night when one doesn't want to wear a bra to bed. Some women have reverted to wearing regular bras in larger sizes or just going braless all together.
What about you? Do you hate nursing bras, or have you found one that answers your prayers? Do you have a trick for making them more comfortable, or at least more tolerable?
According to a recent report, infections may be the cause of many premature births. Studies showed the more serious the infection, the more likely the premature birth and the sicker the infant. Studies also reported finding bacteria or (yick!) fungi in 15% of the amniotic fluid of women who'd given birth prematurely. Premature children are known to have an increased risk of everything from problems breathing and underdeveloped organs to cerebal palsy.
Prevention, of course, is the key. Twelve percent of births in the United States occur before the 37th week of pregnancy. Just how many of these could be preventable? The team responsible for conducting the study of infected amniotic fluid now have their sights set on detecting the infection before preterm labor starts and treating it.
The researchers studied 166 samples of amniotic fluid from pregnant women during the period of 1998-2002. They detected 25 were infected with the bacteria, fungi, or...what might be a new organism (very X-Files). All 25 infected women went on to preterm labor. Fifty-three women in whom no bacteria, etc. was detected, were able to have their preterm labor stopped.
Is there a downside to breastfeeding? A new report from the New York Times might have you thinking so. In a recent article, several studies monitoring a lack of vitamin D in infants might support that breastmilk is not enough to prevent things like rickets in children. The biggest fear is that the deficiency is more common than previously thought and is going undetected. Breastmilk apparently does not necessarily provide enough of the vitamin to children.
Doctors, of course, are rare to say anything at all negative about breastfeeding. Unlike perhaps even fifty years ago, women are being told that they simply must breastfeed, that they are wrong for not doing so, and that breastmilk is the ultimate wonder food for their infants. This may well be true, but the medical profession that's been pushing breastfeeding down our throats has also admitted to knowing there is a probable link between vitamin D deficiency and diseases like diabetes and cancer.
The answer, of course, is not to stop breastfeeding, but rather to augment a child's nutrition by adding vitamin drops, or, my favorite, cod liver oil (yummy!). The other pretty obvious answer is that if a woman is deficient in something, so, too, will be her breastmilk. Mothers should be getting plenty of vitamin D themselves in order to pass on the right amount to their infants. That should be good news to those of us who are committed to breastfeeding exclusively for as long as possible. Both the American Academy of Pediatrics and my own pediatrician recommend supplementing with the vitamin D drops.
Thoughts? I for one drink enough milk while pregnant and nursing to keep a small dairy in business. Is it enough? Who knows. Did you supplement breastfeeding with vitamins for your infants or enjoy a little cod liver oil?
Jason Lee, star of such films as Mall Rats and lead in the wildly popular My Name Is Earl series, is a daddy again. Apparently the birth was kept under wraps as sources say the child made her debut August 10th. What's more exciting about this birth is really what Mr. Lee plans on naming this kid.
Lee's first child, a four-year-old son with ex Beth Riesgraf, has the infamous distinction of being named Pilot Inspektor. No, not a typo, that is indeed the child's name. (She must have been on some serious medication to have agreed to that.) Ever since then we've been waiting for the other shoe to drop. And now it has.
The name of the tot, a girl, was not available as of this writing. Let's hope Lee's new partner Ceren Alkac is able to convince him toward something a little less...well, you know...unusual. Not that unusual is bad. And let's just say Lee has some big shoes to follow--not only from his own son, but now too with the birth of Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. That's going to be a hard one to follow up. Let the naming games begin!
Ladies, start your engines. The hotness that is Jason Statham recently divulged he would very much like to be in the family way--as in, getting married and having kids. To many, this was a surprise; Statham is known for his tough guy roles more than being a sensitive softy.
Turns out he's not being too picky when it comes to finding the right lady to start that family. According to the actor he is both soft and sweet and knows the appropriate time to be said softy and send flowers, etc. He also mentioned that "beggars can't be choosers" when it comes to women dating him. Apparently he doesn't realize what a catch he is!
We wish Jason the best of luck in finding that special woman to be his wife and the mother of his children. If we weren't married with kids perhaps we'd find ourselves lining up to get his attention and perhaps be on the receiving end of some of those flowers.
Posh has her three boys, Geri has Bluebell Madonna. Scary and Baby Spice are both moms as well, which left Mel C, aka Sporty Spice, the only ex-Spice Girl left who had yet to enter motherhood. Just two weeks ago, Mel told the media that she had no intentions of changing that either. "Everybody asks whether I'm going to be next or whether I'm trying. I hate to disappoint people, but the answer is 'no'."
But today, the pop artist is singing a different tune. Mel C announced last night that she's expecting a baby with long time partner Thomas Starr, a property developer. A friend says, "Mel's absolutely delighted with the news."
MTV is reporting that the rumors that Mel was pregnant have been circulating for a while, once she started showing up to events in loose clothing and with a suspicious looking "bump." Mel C acknowledged that speculation in a recent message on her website: "As I'm sure you'll understand we needed time to wait for results and tell our families."
At sixty-one years old, she wasn't the world's oldest woman to give birth, but she was, apparently, the oldest surrogate mother in a country where surrogacy is banned by the Japan Society of Obstetrics and Gynecology, the group that oversees such matters. The clinic where she gave birth refused to provide details such as the baby's gender or exact date of birth, but the clinic's spokeswoman, Chihiro Netsu, did say that "both surrogate mother and baby were fine."
As if her age weren't notable enough, it turns out that the surrogate mother is also the child's real grandmother. According to the clinic, they agreed to the procedure because the woman's daughter has no uterus. The grandmother was implanted with one of her daughter's fertilized eggs and, well, the rest is history, as they say.
I have to say that I was surprised to learn, when I did some research on this, that surrogacy is not universally accepted. There are even six states here in the US where it is illegal and four more where contracts for surrogacy are unenforceable. It seems to me that, for those who are otherwise unable to carry a baby to term, it is a perfectly acceptable path to parenthood. For this Japanese family, it sounds like it worked out famously.
If reports are to be believed, Gwen Stefani has had her baby. The tot, sex and name unknown at press time (and if Perez Hilton don't know then nobody knows!), was born to the singer this Thursday in California. Not sure if anyone actually cares that Stefani is a mom again, what with all the media frenzy surrounding the Jolie-Pitt twins, but I for one am excited to see Gwen take on motherhood X 2.
Stefani checked into the hospital and delivered the new arrival via C-section. Gwen's other child, Kingston, who she had with husband Gavin Rossdale, was born at the same hospital two years ago via the same procedure. You know what they say--it ain't Hollywood if it ain't a C-section. And they won't seem to let you have a VBAC even if you are interested in a natural birth after you've already had a C.
According to sources, the name of the baby is Zuma. You know, like Zima only with a "U." I seriously doubt that's the kid's name, but given the climate in la-la land these days anything for a name goes. Maybe she'll go hog wild and name the kid Jane or something.
Updated to add: The wee one's name is indeed Zuma -- in fact, it's Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. That's a mouthful, but it's a mouthful with meaning; according to The Baby Name Wizzard, this is a nod to a new trend in naming. And People has the full dish on where the name comes from. Just in case you're really curious.
It may seem like something of a bore by now, but actress Jennifer Garner has finally come clean about her pregnancy. the Alias star, married to fellow actor Ben Affleck, has caused much speculation over recent months after being photographed wearing comfortable clothing and posing her daughter, Violet, and some pretty expensive handbags in front of her swelling belly.
Not too long ago, former Alias co-star Victor Garber seemingly confirmed the news that Garner was pregnant again. He later recanted, saying his comments were taken out of context. Then her mother-in-law had a similar slip of the lip. Both Jenn and Ben refused to comment on her state of impending mommyhood until just recently, when she confirmed the news.
Now the watch is on to see how big she'll get, whether the baby will be a girl or boy, and what the name will be. These are the things the media is sure we care about and will take every opportunity to tell us. As or the Garner-Afflecks, I can appreciate wanting to keep some of the joy to yourself--they told when they were good and ready, and not a moment before that.
Congrats to Violet's mom and dad! She'll be a big sister soon!
Second trimester ultrasounds have taken the guesswork out of pregnancy. If you want to know if you should paint the nursery blue or a sweet shade of pink, all you have to do is ask. But for couples who choose not to find out the sex of their baby or who, for whatever reason, don't get that mid-pregnancy ultrasound (my first OB did only a first trimester viability ultrasound and that was it), trying to figure out what you're having before delivery day can be kind of fun.
Nearly every myth about guessing the gender of the baby has been debunked, but scientists who study such things are finding that one of those old wives tales just might be true after all. Women who have the most severe morning sickness symptoms in pregnancy have a higher likelihood of having a girl.
The women who were in the study had been hospitalized with morning sickness or had developed a condition called hypermesis gravidarum. So if you find yourself kneeling in front of the toilet every morning or downing Saltines, sleeve after sleeve, it doesn't mean you should return that little blue onesie. But it is curious that these women with the most severe symptoms were more likely (up to 80% more likely, in fact) to deliver a girl. I wonder why -- any theories?
Yes, he does. The action movie star recently divulged that he wants a large family to Ok! magazine. Diesel, real name Mark Sinclair Vincent, a native New Yorker, says he wants twelve kids!
Diesel recently became a father to a daughter, and apparently the experience has been a good one! Diesel and girlfriend Paloma Jimenez welcomed the tot, whose name has not been revealed, four months ago.
%Gallery-11654%
The actor says being in the movie The Pacifier solidified his desire for children. Being around all the babies awakened his paternal instincts. Yes, even the star of such movies as The Fast and The Furious has paternal instincts!
Haute mamas to be watch out: Christian Siriano is launching a line of maternity wear! The Project Runway winner is set to unveil the line for mamas to be in Spring 2009. Pity I won't be pregnant anymore (I hope) although it may be reason enough to get knocked up if you've been considering it. Chances are, if you are pregnant and you buy Siriano's stuff, you'll look glam.
Siriano and two of his fashion buddies, Marta Abrams and Elise Rosemarin, collaborated on the line. Abrams and Rosemarin head up Moody Mama maternity wear. The collection, much like Mr. Siriano, is being called Fierce (for Moody Mama).
Funny enough, a rep for Moody Mama says Siriano joined up because he thought it would be good if a gay man and two women who'd never had children designed maternity wear together. What do you think--is it important for the designer of preggo-wear to have been preggo herself, or does it matter? I doubt Bill Blass spent a lot of time in evening gowns, but what they hey do I know. I'm sure the line from Siriano will be stunning to say the least--in looks, anyway (no word on the price).